By Geoff Walter / SNY.tv

 

 

In the world of professional New York sports, the degrading acronym typically belongs to the underachieving junior-varsity team: the Jets (Just End The Season), the Islanders, or Isles (It's Simply Laughable Every Season), and the Mets (My Entire Team Stinks, or whatever variation the last word has, depending on how foul the person's mood is that particular day). Even those in New Jersey are not immune: the Nets (Never Expect To Score; Not Expected To Score), Devils (Don't Even View, It's Less Stress). Feel free to post your own variations or indictments on the message board below.

 

The primary reason for the acronyms to exist in the first place is because the team names are so simple and short. Teams such as the Yankees, Rangers and Giants are a bit harder to acronym for two reasons: one, their names are longer and that makes it hard to come up with something that makes any sense, much less clever (I had to shorten Islanders to Isles just to pull that one off), and second, they typically have to screw up big time and have a huge fall from grace in order to warrant such treatment. In the case of the Giants: Gee, It Ain't Nothin To See; for the Rangers: Rarely After Nine Games Everyone Really Stinks. Again, substitute what you will for the last word. Some, like the Mets, have simply turned their meanings around and become the Most Exciting Team in Sports (of course, you have to add the "in" for it to make sense).

Ah, but what of the Yankees? Surely the injuries, errors and all around bad luck which has them lying 10-plus games behind Boston makes them deserving of an acronym don't you think? This one took some time, for the reasons stated above. I could chicken out and just shorten the name to simply Yanks, but where's the challenge? I also don't want it to be a one-year deal; I wanted something that I could refer back to whenever they hit a long string of bad luck, and if they start to play meaningless baseball in August, should they somehow be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. I'll hold off on officially burying them however until Roger Clemens gets a few wins (or losses) under his belt and I see how well they do after the All-Star break.

"You'd Almost Never Know Everyone Else Stinks"? Given the state of the AL East, it's plausible, but doesn't pack a punch. I tried working backwards, plugging in "Especially Eek Saves," but found it to be too positive. The most vexing was the double "E" until I remembered my Star Wars cannon -- Evil Empire. Inevitable references to the Red Sox followed with "You All Now Know Empires End Swept," and "You All Now Know Empires End Sox'd," referring to 2004, but I was once again left wanting, but felt I was closer than before.

I had then remembered what the Mets did to the Braves last season: taking the crown away from Atlanta after 11 straight years. It was after seeing the long-drawn out decline of Atlanta that I realized the same could be said for the Bombers. After I came up with one for the Braves (Born Royalty, Atlanta's Vanity Eroded Slowly), I finally found one for the Yankees with several subtle, but clever, variations that reflected how dire a situation the team is in, and like the Braves, how they too are in the midst of a long, drawn out decline and about to be dethroned: "You All Now Know Empires End Soon," "You All Now Know Every Empire Succumbs," and "You All Now Know Empires Eventually Succumb."

Wanna argue with the Ref? Don't like the call? Go ahead and make your own!